How am I supposed to heal

when everything reminds me

of the me
I lost

I feel the memory of your name
making me shiver inside

I used to
lay everything out
keep all my insides
outside

I used to
let love
cry from every crevice

I used to wait on my knees
for sick little tokens
a pat on the head

I used to taste my own blood
and think it was ok

I still remember
the nights you took from me
and I tell myself

it’s not that bad
it wasn’t so bad

others have had worse

what’s there to cry about
a few rapes
can’t be that bad

I’m alive
with all my limbs
my skin is intact

now
the scars are only on the inside

so what do I have
to be sad about

why
years later
does someone inside me
make me
want to vomit
right after

but I suppress it
every time

I tell myself I’m normal

but the more the words
are pulled out of me
through necessity

the less I believe them