so much blood
too many fingers lost
trying to hold everything together
what is me
what is left
I am not ready
I am not fine
I try so hard
to be an entire person
I don’t think it is working
they say
forgive
it will save you
they say
but no one told me how
no one taught me
how to be ok
no one showed me
how to pry the hands off my neck
without using hate
no one said
that wasn’t the right way
to survive
you take your words
and your churches
and your empty
promises
and sell them
somewhere else
I have no use for them
no one saved me
I will myself
to exist
every day
no one saved me
and the things he did to me
in the dark
continue
to
weigh
down
my
name