The thing about believing is
once you start

there is no end

and when I feel it
it scares me

I can see myself slipping
it’s like I want to
believe so badly

but
I know what happens
I know
it will hurt

and I am tired of taking pain
just as I am afraid
of loving anyone
enough to let them see
the real me

the broken me

the me that can’t sleep at night

the me that used to
touch strangers
just to feel alive

the me that aches
and lies
and doesn’t want to
feel anything
sometimes